Monday, March 31, 2008

A break from the typical political ranting

Alright, folks, I'm runnin' out of politically incorrect rants for the moment, but don't worry, I can still rant.

Let's say an alien comes from a planet with an atmosphere of sulpher, lakes of liquid methane, and with a generally unearthly landscape. He has one huge eye on the top of his gigantic, spherical body, with tentacles and spikes jutting out of every square inch of his protective shell. When he is born, his hyper-advanced species downloads all the information we humans wouldn't be able to learn in our entire lifetimes directly into his huge brain. This allows him to immediately begin exploring the galaxy without having to spend years of training to do so.

Now, this alien arrives at our planet in a flying saucer, remaining inside his vehicle and monitoring our people from orbit. The first thing he notices is our huge cities, which he somewhat recognizes, as all of his homeworld except for the most impassable mountain ranges is covered with a city. But, when monitoring the people living in the homes, he finds several disturbing images.

Let's say he's looking into the lives of a dysfunctional family in a trailer park. Fifteen people, only two of them more than two years old (the parents), sleep in a single room in a poorly-made trailer, eat food made in the most unsanitary kitchen imaginable, and entertain themselves by drinking alcohol and watching a tiny television. Usually, the apparent alpha dog of this family, which the alien assumes is a normal family for the humans, AKA the father, drinks about two bottles of what we call Jack Daniels in a day and beats the living hell out of his wife and kids. After this the alien, who has never slept a day in his life as his species does not require rest, sees the family lie down on their strange, soft pad. For the next eight to twelve hours they remain unconscious, before finally waking, at which point they begin to repeat what they did the previous day. The mother works at a small building, cooking food for a very low wage, while the father and kids sit around the house and watch their tiny television.

The alien decides not to make first contact with these people, believing they are dangerous. He proceeds to destroy the earth with a laser beam, ending the lives of six billion people without any warning.

Think about it, folks.

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